five loaves and two fishes

ok for those of you who don't know...there's this story in the bible...when jesus walked the earth

it's about when he fed the five thousand.. ok i'm referring to the gospel of john in this cause i loved the way it's written here as compared to all the other gospels...

ok so the story goes...there's this crowd right walking towards jesus and like wanting to hear him speak and followed him so get this...he turns around and asks Philip, one of his disciples "where shall we get food??" hahhaha....and the bible says he already knew exactly how food was going to come about he just wanted to test Philip....HOW CHEEKY??? man so christ was some what a prankster! no wonder when you walk into the fga church office u see pastor's chasing each other around :P well it used to be that way at least....

ok so back to the story...philip's like HELLO!!! mr man of god if you didn't already know even i like i worked my butt off for like 8 months!!! i wouldn't be able to give everyone even a BITE!!! :P (sometimes with what i earn....i think if jesus had turn around and asked me where to get food...i would have answered just the same...cause your life becomes so warped with everything monetarily cause it's what seems to make the world go around )

Then another disciple, Andrew speaks up...and says...well there's this kid he's got like five small barley loaves and two small fishes...but well how far can that really go?? (dang... this ppl like andrew that make ppl like me look ever so stupid!....cause it was like ok...philip went it...you and u're crazy ideas how on earth u gonna pull it off!! and then...andrew went up a tiny notch of faith...and went...well there's like this stuff lah....but it's measely....but there's this stuff!)

and then jesus goes...yeah yeah got it...pull up a chair (or a piece of ground rather) and like chill and sit back food's on its way....as though he had like called pizza hut or mcd's ages ago and was just waiting for them to arrive with the food....so he could go GOTCHA!!!)

and then yeah he gives thanks for the bread and fish...and off it goes...multiplying on its own...i wonder if it was like...you took one bread out the basket and the u thought it was it...and jesus has gone off the wall...and the u get to the next person and the pop! another one appears....or did it like put on bread in the basket and the it miraculously starts popping into more bread just like that before ure very eyes...like u were doing some sort of copy paste at your computer...anyways that's really not the point it's just my imagination getting on a crazy train of thought

ok.... that's the story....what got me thinking was corrine may's song that yappy played for me...

it got me thinking....i mean here's this lil kid...with a LUNCH BOX tau...and like what on earth would cause him to stand up in front of everyone with well what seems ever so measly and say hey you wanna feed five thousand ppl...i've got stuff here!! i mean think about it...i was putting myself and the fear of all those eyes staring me and me stupidly standing up with my lunch box to feed five thousand...would prolly cause me to retreat!!! not stand up...and go hey!

but as i was reading all the gospels of the story i also realised that the boy didn't just stand up and go hey u go....

there's a lot of things i just picked up from trying to figure this snippet of the five loaves and two fishes and this is just some of the stuff i picked up...

it was about SURRENDER...yes yappy u're absolutely right...but get this...there's never an account of the kid that stood up and went hey here have my lunch box....i kind of bet that he was amongst the crowd and the disciples must have been asking around...and like yeah they found only that kid....and i highly doubt andrew would have volunteered food that wasn't his to be given out...so he must have asked...which struck a chord...maybe sometimes surrendering takes nudging....maybe sometimes surrendering...takes that someone to ask...maybe surrendering can only come when you actually realise a need to and that you actually have something you can surrender...

it's also about PRIDE....would you stand up??? be honest with yourself...would take the risk of being utterly humiliated....and stand up and say hey i've got measly food ppl....five thousand of you want some???? sad yo say i think my pride would have kept me glued hard to my seat....unless someone asked...then i can safely say...i would give it up without a thought....but on my own....HELL NO!

it's about HAVING A GLIMMER OF HOPE AND FAITH....see all it took was smarty pants andrew to find a boy and go well we've got measly stuff here...but hey it's something! all it took was that...just that....so i guess even in the bleakest of hours...if you can see it nothing but a pin sized hole of possibility...u've got u're way out already...

it's about god....knowing very well....what he's going to ask of you will scare the living daylight out of you...but he'll do it anyways and u'll get angry irritated and frustrated and come to breaking point and then eventually he'll tell u...ok sit back pull up a piece of ground...(and i'm like to imagine crack his knuckles...and with the cheekiest of grin...and go watch me work!)...u'd prolly go man why couldn't u have just said this to being with! thing is mr pandai pants god's got a plan up his sleeve...and he ain't gonna budge cause mistakes and franticness and all that u're going to go through it's part of his mischievous lil plan to kind of make you go....SO YOU KNEW IT WAS GOING TO GO OK ALL ALONG DIDN'T YA!

it's about knowing that measly, is all god needs...he doesn't need the glam and the great big offerings you can conjour but in saying that if you have big to give why pick the least... yeah he just ask for what u got....if you go back to 1 samuel i think chapter 13...when david speaks to the priest and asks him for bread...and he says...what do u have...what's in ur hand...the five sacred loaves...was what he had...so yeah..just all that's in ur hand...if your hand can't hold all that's going on in ur life for now...don't matter offer what's in ur hand...

ok...now i could go on forever with this...AHA moment of mine...but i think this is good for now....share this with a friend...if you can....not cause i'm p'rsan about what i write and figure but cause everyone needs encouragement even on a great day...telling someone u're gorgeous of u've got amazing potential or just that it's going to be ok...make even a great day turn out to be fabulous to know someone's thinking of u....

ciao then...

tenses

i knew i recognised tenses in the bible for a reason...and as i read that verse...before andrew could say it...it hit me...."was that just said in past tense"

yup you got it right god had made him already the father of nations....and as yeah tears welled and i shook my head even though i was nudged to repeat the lines

i am beautiful and wonderfully made... and didn't actually say it till much later...

so god called me esther...and i remember when i was in perth ps.wayne's wife roxana used to tell me all the time..she reminded me everytime i walked into the church...what my name meant and that god named you with a purpose....and it was the perfect name for you....and that i was everything esther stood for...

so i never finished studying esther toroughly i've got the book for the character study but yeah still going through it:

anyways...what does esther stand for.... in basicness it means star...

esther was the new name bestowed upon hadassah which also means myrtle...and a myrtle is said to be a twinkling star....

another Midrashic explanation: that she was as beautiful as the Evening Star

ok...while by now u're thinking ok we get it u're pretty u're a star and u can stop being so p'rasan about it...actually i'm not...this is somethign that i choose to write if for no one but myself...because i needed to believe what god believes me to be....

it's so funny that i a person who cannot at all see beauty in me...my the bible says this about esther

2:7 This girl, who was also known as Esther, was lovely in form and features (in nkjv it says lovely and beautiful...)

are u serious the b word on me!!! yeah...so my job here on out...is to own the name that i was given....

to have the favour of god...wisdom and heck you know what the beauty that god's already place there... :)

ciao folks...figure out your name today!

after some thought...

this is nothing but my own idea and thought and well how i feel and see it...

and as my profile reads to every person may he or she see it differently...

i think thay maybe just maybe the son would not have gone out seeing that he hadn't any money if he's dad said no...and he wouldn't have landed himself in all the mess we read of....

BUT

he would have led a life till the end never knowing his father's love care and devotion

he would have lived a life of shallow acceptance because it is SO...not
because he knew why it was SO 



 

think about it...

from sunday's message...something hit me...ok not as you would expect if you were in service but here's a thought...will write about it in a bit...

as i've been thinking about niceness lots...and how i spoil people around me

the prodigal son and his dad....they didn't know his dad....

but was the dad just way too nice??? should the dad have put his foot down when he knew his son was going the wrong way instead of saying it's ok...i'll be right here after you go mess up?

i mean what if the dad had said no to his son's request for his wealth? would the son still have gone with no money to do so?

judah's message was very thought provoking...hahhah also another thing i've learnt the more i doodle my notes the more i ponder upon it! i shall doodle more!

and another one from the daily bread..

Look at the ant. He’s weak, but his Creator has taught him to use whatever strength he has to prepare for the future. Consider the locust. He has no king, but when his numbers multiply, God has taught him how to line up and move as one. Look at the spider. He too is a lowly creature, but by using the ability God gives him, he rises to high places.

This brings me back to micheal rowan's meetings....it's so funny how we try and try and we go around in church bouncing off doing everything that we think we need to do...but this happened when i was in perth my pastor asked me a question...that i sort of knew the answer too but never really paid much attention to...i mean i knew it but i didn't know it...

he asked: esther do you know what you love doing?? what brings you joy? and he said that until i figured that out i didn't really figure out my ministry..

thing is i always knew where i found my joy and i knew what i loved....but i figured it was just cause i wasn't in god's ways that's why i couldn't feel it or that it was insignificant...

Do you sometimes feel small and insignificant like an insect? When you do, remember that God showcases His wisdom and greatness through even the smallest things. That’s because His “strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). —Mart De Haa

But here's there interesting bit...the ants aren't going about with their hands clasped in prayer...they just do what they are made to do...and their strength comes from what god has already given them...it's innate...it's just them...and they work with what they got and when u look at it it's just simply amazing! and there being human we try imitate this greatness when really it's just not who you are..

What gives me joy? there are a few things which i believe and KNOW that it's my god given talent...

Writing...and it's a passion i love writing...i love writing encouragement notes! i love writing this...which strangely enough is never something i considered but is something that's got me thinking...the idea of writing devotionals...maybe not now..i don't know maybe now...oh well...i'll do this for now...

Talking...hahhah yeah no seriously...i love talking to people...when i had my apraisal and my editor at work said that she saw something in me that she didn't know what but that it was addictive that i had this strange innate personality that drew things out of people...i mean i always knew as people put it that i was a drama magnet...but it's not just a joke it's true...and it's not something i want to boast about...but i love the fact that god's given me that ability to empathizes and understand and yeah just to be someone people can open up too..it's trying at times...and god's still sharpening my skills...but it's awesome...and you know what...no matter where i was with god...that was always and has been me...like the ant...their strength will always be them...

Singing...there is an amazing joy and calmness when i'm in the presence of god in pure worship...and i've really learnt how i don't need the fancy music or the great singer and musician...and i've learnt that it really is my place of joy...when i'm singing....when i can dance!! yeah no many ppl know that...hahah but i love dancing...and i hate how ppl think you need to only dance a certain way in front of god! pfffttt....david dances in all nakedness man!

all in all...people ask me why i always think of my funeral and well..that's something i'll share with you if i think u'd get it and if you ask...

but this question has been posed to people a zillion times around and i remember being in a cg in perth and it was actually a cg that so wasn't a cg i mean we had muslims, buddhist everyone...but yet the dude shared from the bible...it's one of those times where i really felt the bible and cg was all it was meant to be....

anyways ok...the question was posed and people took forever to think...and i've asked like tons of people and they either come up with a generic answer or they just don't know...

my answer....(to judah's question last sunday too) what do you want to be known for...

that i impacted...that is i want to be said of me...that my life...my words...my writings...my actions...that it impacted others for good lah...but yeah...that's what i want...

what's your answer?

backdated...

after reading this daily bread some time back...i couldn't stop thinking of it...

this is a bit from it...

But, thankfully, God forgives. He does not keep an account of past sins, no matter how many or how grievous they have been. “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1). God’s forgiveness then leads us to fear Him (Ps. 130:4). We worship and adore God, for grace and forgiveness cause us to love Him all the more.

But what happens if we slide back into old sins? What if sin lingers? We are to repent and “wait for the Lord” and be patient while God works (vv.5-6). We are not hopeless cases. We can “hope” in the One who will deliver us in His time.

I thought it to be super interesting...simply cause it's been a question all my life and if there's been any a reason i don't move from my stubborn spot of going back to God it's been this one...i mean yeah what if i slide back into my past...and i know that tmrw i'm going to walk out and it's not all going to be this great walk that i can now plan easily when i'm in church....so why then?

the line that i usually get and probably most people who have been in church long enough would recite to you is that cause you have to keep trying...because god forgives no matter what...because we are all sinners and that's why god died so you've just got to keep at it...and yeah it is true. ...but i've never seen it this way!

We are to repent and “wait for the Lord” and be patient while God works (vv.5-6). We are not hopeless cases. We can “hope” in the One who will deliver us in His time.

Wow...you mean i don't have to work at it??? i mean i don't mean that by saying that u're just going to sit there and god will go poof....if you know me u know that i'm an incessant fix it person....that i do everything and anything i can to fix thigns...but this is a revolutionary idea...to be patient while god works to fix me??? wow!!! and he'll deliver me in time....cause yeah i come back to god and then i detest myself cause i haven't got it all right...i get so frustrated with me...even though i know i'm human...

so i read on further...in the chapter and i discovered this

7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

HE HIMSELF WILL REDEEM ISRAEL FROM ALL THEIR SINS! you know what, you can't always get out of your mess....sometimes it's as easy as turning the other way and walking against the current (though not easy) but sometimes you let urself slip and you're in a whirlpool...and you cannot walk away from your wrong doings just like that cause it's consequences can be more than you know or know how to handle...

so this is a wow statement for me....never have i seen it this way...

so peeps,
if you find urself grappling to come out for something and it seems that you're not going anywhere and you just want to stop trying...cause after all i may slip back...chill take a break from trying....let him do it...and it will take a while sometimes but it will happen...

:)