finally!
it took a while for me to update...cause for a while there my life was slipping again...and then 2008 happened...i haven't put everything together....
was talking to a friend and she asked what brought me back to god....why make the u-turn
my answer was simple... i'm still u-turning! not made it around the bend fully...who i am to kid i'm still struggling with bits of my life...but why consider god again after i got so bitter?...i got tired....i was worn out and i knew no one else had answers for me....no one else could fix everything make everything better yet it was and still isn't easy....
i have to thank the husband and wife team....for sitting down with me...for more than anything thanks for praying for me and with me...cause i think it was the words that came out in prayer that hit right through to the soul...and somehow something changed i have no idea what or how....but i do know when and it was when i crossed over to 2008...
i choose not to...not to dwell...i chose to go even when i don't feel like it...even when i feel like i'm too scared to make it there alone...and i feel my life being filled again...i see purpose for existing...for a long time i was "happy" i guess...but even thought i knew god had plans for me ya da...ya da...ya da....i felt of no use to anyone...nothing but a space filler really...and i thought that i mattered to one person in particular...and everytime i felt un-needed unappreciated it broke me time and time again...but now i can see what i knew...which is good...i realised that your view only need be clouded by one thing for everything you see to have a tint of grim
about other stuff:
today's everyday with jesus was talking about being there for ppl even the ones that are the "sandpaper people" the ones that just being around them purely tests your patience...i woke up this morning and was pissed of with my bro for being the annoyance that he usually was anyways
GALATIONS 6:1-5
1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. - yeah, i've managed this part pretty well...but the one coming up....
4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, - now this is when it gets tough, see i've always pushed myself...always thought i have to keep doing better...and when it doesn't happen i beat myself up for it...but most of the time....it's when i do it in comparison to someone else...of even me...from the past...you know the whole...if she/he can do it...then i must be able to do it...and do it better! i never thought of it as something prideful but i guess maybe it is...i felt/feel i had to live up to perfection or at least die trying...that i had to be able to accomplish something...and if the fear of not making it better.....or doing it to the satisfaction of everyone...it means i would have failed...but i'm learning and time and time again...My own victory's are benchmarked by what i can see....then i give no honour to god....and limit the glory he has...for if i achieve something due to a great god...then my actions through god...that's something that has no measure...
it's like that time where you did really really well on your exam....and it may not have been better than the smartest kid in school....but you put ur heart and soul in it and you prayed day and night and you did exceeding well.... and no one not even you has an explanation on how on earth that happened....i think that's when you know it's bigger than you
cheers folks...
may your clean you view so that things are brighter....and may you live to expectations beyond human limits
was talking to a friend and she asked what brought me back to god....why make the u-turn
my answer was simple... i'm still u-turning! not made it around the bend fully...who i am to kid i'm still struggling with bits of my life...but why consider god again after i got so bitter?...i got tired....i was worn out and i knew no one else had answers for me....no one else could fix everything make everything better yet it was and still isn't easy....
i have to thank the husband and wife team....for sitting down with me...for more than anything thanks for praying for me and with me...cause i think it was the words that came out in prayer that hit right through to the soul...and somehow something changed i have no idea what or how....but i do know when and it was when i crossed over to 2008...
i choose not to...not to dwell...i chose to go even when i don't feel like it...even when i feel like i'm too scared to make it there alone...and i feel my life being filled again...i see purpose for existing...for a long time i was "happy" i guess...but even thought i knew god had plans for me ya da...ya da...ya da....i felt of no use to anyone...nothing but a space filler really...and i thought that i mattered to one person in particular...and everytime i felt un-needed unappreciated it broke me time and time again...but now i can see what i knew...which is good...i realised that your view only need be clouded by one thing for everything you see to have a tint of grim
about other stuff:
today's everyday with jesus was talking about being there for ppl even the ones that are the "sandpaper people" the ones that just being around them purely tests your patience...i woke up this morning and was pissed of with my bro for being the annoyance that he usually was anyways
GALATIONS 6:1-5
1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. - yeah, i've managed this part pretty well...but the one coming up....
4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, - now this is when it gets tough, see i've always pushed myself...always thought i have to keep doing better...and when it doesn't happen i beat myself up for it...but most of the time....it's when i do it in comparison to someone else...of even me...from the past...you know the whole...if she/he can do it...then i must be able to do it...and do it better! i never thought of it as something prideful but i guess maybe it is...i felt/feel i had to live up to perfection or at least die trying...that i had to be able to accomplish something...and if the fear of not making it better.....or doing it to the satisfaction of everyone...it means i would have failed...but i'm learning and time and time again...My own victory's are benchmarked by what i can see....then i give no honour to god....and limit the glory he has...for if i achieve something due to a great god...then my actions through god...that's something that has no measure...
it's like that time where you did really really well on your exam....and it may not have been better than the smartest kid in school....but you put ur heart and soul in it and you prayed day and night and you did exceeding well.... and no one not even you has an explanation on how on earth that happened....i think that's when you know it's bigger than you
cheers folks...
may your clean you view so that things are brighter....and may you live to expectations beyond human limits
posted by emergencyroom at
11:13 AM
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